The Lo Zone

A groovy place in cyberspace run by author Lolita Files. Come on in. Bring some Pepsi.

 
Lo Fun Fact #1
"Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita".
Lo Fun Fact #2
I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes. If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Mr. Chicken (my favorite spot in Cleveland) and a pair of Christian Louboutins.
Lo Fun Fact #3
Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi (preferably Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream). Better yet, how about not show up at all?
Lo Fun Fact #4
I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay?
Lo Fun Fact #5
I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!!
Lo Fun Fact #6
I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position.
Lo Fun Fact #7
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs, a bird (some kind of dove/pigeon mix), and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs, bird, and cat, we'll be instant friends. If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs, a bird, and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond.
Oprah Makes Santa Claus Look Like Sh*t
Tuesday, December 27, 2005


What a great best friend Oprah Winfrey is!!!

Alright, so that's not news. For the past twenty years, we've witnessed what a loyal best friend she is to Gayle King, and Gayle to her. The two are poster girls for sisterhood and the true camaraderie that can exist between women. But apparently Ms. Winfrey has taken things a step further. She's not just looking out for her friend's well-being, she's also taking care of her heart, having reportedly hand-picked her friend a man:

Per Ben Widdicombe's Gatecrasher column in yesterday's New York Daily News:

A source close to the best buds say that the queen of talk has hooked King up with none other than one of her other pals, gospel star BeBe Winans.

"Gayle and BeBe have known each other forever. But Oprah figured that since both are divorced and looking to date, why not date each other?" the source tells us.

After King spends time with her kids and ex-husband in Connecticut, she and Winans will meet up with Winfrey and her boyfriend, Stedman Graham, at the talk-show host's Santa Barbara estate, where they plan to ring in the New Year together.
Now I don't know if any of this is true because it came from a gossip column, and we know how they do. But if it is...great job, O!!! BeBe's a cutie and he's man of God. He's got his own thing and he's quite successful at it, so Gayle doesn't have to worry about him being all threatened. Ms. O., when you look out for a girl, you reallllly look out for a girl!!!

See...why couldn't Oprah have been my best friend? No offense to my current friends...I love y'all dearly...but, well, you haven't exactly been forthcoming with gifts like these. A couple of you have, but those gifts turned out to be utter duds. Superchumps. Insecure guys who were all up in my grill and inside my pocket, and their money was always funny. None of them were who they claimed they were. On top of that, they weren't exactly the most attractive sorts either. What were you thinking setting me up with these guys? What was I thinking for even going out with them? Boredom is a bitch. You do all kinds of dumb shit to fill your idle time.

In the future, if any of you are considering matching me up, just use this as your guideline: WWOD---What would Oprah do? We should probably be saying that anyway in regard to everything in our lives. The woman is as powerful and magnanimous as the Pope, and way more practical. The Pope's not a matchmaker. If it were up to him, our private parts would dry up and rot off. That's not very nice, Your Pope-i-ness. We're only human, after all. WWOD?

New York Daily News - Ben Widdicombe's Gatecrasher: Oprah pushes BeBe love for pal
The BeBe Winans Radio Show
posted by Lo @ 9:39 AM  
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About Me

Name: Lolita Files

Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States

About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.

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