| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita". |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes. If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Mr. Chicken (my favorite spot in Cleveland) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi (preferably Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream). Better yet, how about not show up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs, a bird (some kind of dove/pigeon mix), and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs, bird, and cat, we'll be instant friends. If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs, a bird, and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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| Superman Is Super-Packing |
| Thursday, December 15, 2005 |
 It's the talk of the 'net, so I'd be remiss, flagrantly negligent, and an all-around poor sport if I didn't mention it here, just in case some of you missed it on the billions of other sites that can't stop chattering about it:
The new Superman is hung like a blue whale.
I'm nothing if not specific. I didn't just want to say he was big like everyone else was doing. I wanted dramatic effect. So I did a little research. Blue whales have the most gi-normous peckers in the animal kingdom. Eleven feet...OUCH!!!
And while this might seem related to yesterday's post about King Kong's IMAX-sized unit, it's actually not. The only thing the two posts have in common are the fact that they both involve movies and big willies. Hmmm. I guess they are related. It appears Superman might actually have the schlong that should have been on King Kong.
 Though you can't tell from the above picture, Brandon Routh, the actor playing the Man of Steel in the upcoming Superman Returns, is obviously so cocktastic, he had the studio execs running hysterically through the halls like a bunch of screaming girls over what to do about it. True to form, they did what any progressive major studio headed by execs who run hysterically through the halls (like a bunch of screaming girls) would do---they ordered his whopping wanker to be digitally wiped out.
Per Ananova.com:The new Superman is giving movie bosses a headache - because of the size of his bulge.
They fear Brandon Routh's profile in the superhero's skintight costume could be distracting, reports the Sun.
Hollywood executives have ordered the makers of Superman Returns to cover it up with digital effects.
The Sun's source said: "It's a major issue for the studio. Brandon is extremely well endowed and they don't want it up on the big screen.
"We may be forced to erase his package with digital effects." Everybody's in on this party. Everybody's got d*ck jokes. Check out Page Six's spin: "Superman Returns" star Brandon Routh is supposedly giving the suits at Warner Brothers fits because of his prodigious package of masculinity. The 26-year-old beefcake's extra-large endowment is said to be so distracting through his skin-tight costume that producers may have to shrink him during post-production. Poor Brandon, saddled with the burden of too much lunchmeat. What an albatross to bear. Still, there apparently was a very real fear that his Supersnake would actually reach beyond the screen and poke out the eyes of entire audiences, resulting in the industry's first audience class action suit. For eye-pokage. From Super-joints. Thus the digital wipeout. Whew!! Aren't you glad the suits are looking out for you?
Best wishes and simultaneous condolences to Brandon's girlfriend, whoever she is. Meanwhile, a very long line continues to form outside Brandon's crib as willing human receptacles offer themselves up in patriotic sexual sacrifice. Because Superman and cockage...the two just go together naturally. Like models and moguls. Like baseball and apple pie.
Fly on, Man of Steel. Just watch where you point that thing.
Ananova.com
Page Six
Superman Returns
Previously: The Lo Zone: King Dong |
posted by Lo @ 9:20 AM   |
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