| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. To this day, she has no idea what a "Lolita" is. |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes. If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Mr. Chicken (my favorite spot in Cleveland) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi (preferably Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream). Better yet, how about not show up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs, a bird (some kind of dove/pigeon mix), and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs, bird, and cat, we'll be instant friends. If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs, a bird, and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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| The Brokeback Effect, Ad Absurdum: Let's All Just Turn Gay And Be Done With It. |
| Tuesday, January 17, 2006 |
It's pretty much widely believed throughout Hollywood that the Golden Globes are a very strong measure of how things might go at the Oscars. And if last night's tally for Brokeback Mountain (Best Screenplay, Best Original Song, Best Director, Best Motion Picture - Drama, Best make-up-whatever-you-want and insert here) is any indication...
 ...well, you'd better start studying your color chart now, because this is just the beginning. After the SAG, WGA, DGA, whatever else comes between now and the Oscars, and Oscars sweep, expect to see immediate global change. Everyone will be sporting western-wear. Kids will be toting Brokeback lunchboxes and drifting off to sleep at night on Brokeback sheets. McDonald's will have a Brokeback Breakfast...
 and Burger King, not to be outdone, will offer a Brokeback & Broiled Burger Combo.
Ringtones will be screeching "I wish I knew how to quit you!!!", and Apple will woo us with a Brokeback Nano.
 And not long after you've begun eating your Brokeback breakfasts and burgers as you listen to your Brokeback Nano, you'll soon find yourself face down on your Brokeback sheets, taking it up the rear, wondering how, when, and why you didn't heed all those warnings. I'm telling you people, it's gonna happen fast, so pay attention and make a choice:
Either go Gay now or go Gay later.
It's up to you us (I'm a hapless hetero, too). We either hop on this train or go the way of the dinosaur. If we don't act right, we'll end up missing out on the coolest people, the hottest parties, fabulous clothes (and shoes!!!), the most exquisite decorators, the tastiest food---the best of EVERYTHING. It will be so dull and grey in Heteroville. We'll only have potatoes and gruel, burlap sheets, horrifically feng-shui'd living spaces, and all our tv shows will suck (because Gays create most of the really good programming).
So hurry and make up your minds about what you're going to do.
 It's a Gay World, baby. You're just taking up space.
The 63rd Annual Golden Globe Awards
Previously: The Lo Zone: The Brokeback Effect, Part Gabillion
Previously: The Lo Zone: My Technicolor Theory, Confirmed At Last |
posted by Lo @ 9:05 AM   |
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