| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita". |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes (although obviously I can't eat fried chicken nearly as much as I'd like). If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Church's (that's right, I said Church's) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi. Better yet, how about not showing up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you or take a long time to return your calls. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? (Exception: I will happily take all calls related to business or to share fun/exciting/major news. I'm just not one for jawing on the phone just to be jawing.) |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. I'm always on my laptop and connected to the internet as I work and when IM's pop into my screen out of nowhere, they break my concentration and often startle the sh*t out of me in the process. So don't do it. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. I had a bird (a Roller pigeon that I rescued in LA on New Year's Day in 2004) named B-Bird (what? that's a good name!) who passed away in February 2009, which broke my widdle heart in half. He loved me so, as I did him. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs and cat, we'll be instant friends, and if you ask about B-Bird, I'll probably hug you (unless you smell...wash first). If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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| To Live And (Almost) Die In L.A., Part 2 |
| Tuesday, January 24, 2006 |
 [click image to enlarge]
Herewith, J.'s most excellent analysis: Some asshole guy in an asshole job (investment banker, advertising exec... whatever) falls in love with a hippie barista named Lila at the Starbucks he goes to every morning. She moves in, they're in love, he buys vegan pseudoburgers and takes yoga and buys a Prius. She sleeps with the cashier at Barnes and Noble. In a fit of anti-environmentalist (and anti-Lila) rage, he parks the car in front of the store and shoots it full of holes, then goes to purchase the vehicle with the worst gas mileage he can find so he can finally go back to McDonalds. Bravura, J.!!! This was great. It had all the requisite Hollywood elements (opposites attracting, love, the instant relationship, betrayal, and revenge). We salute you for being bold enough to step out of the shadows and help us understand the madness that is human interaction in L.A. This is why people are so isolated here. Mingling can be scary. If a Prius driver can't escape the wrath, what makes you think that you will?
 [click image to enlarge]
Sooner or later, all roads in L.A. lead to a shot-up car. But if you're gonna rock holes, just make sure you're pretty with it.
(If anyone else wants to offer a clever spin on the "Who Shot Ya" mystery that is our hole-riddled Encino Prius---let's dub him The Notorious P.R.I.---feel free to chime in.)
Previously: The Lo Zone: To Live And (Almost) Die In L.A. |
posted by Lo @ 9:28 AM   |
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| 4 Comments: |
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A whole post? For me?? Woohoo!! My day is now much cooler than it used to be. MUCH. Thanks! :D
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You deserve it, J!!! That post rocked!!
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I see that Toyota's ugliest offering really has drawn quite a following Lo. I remember riding down Ventura Blvd. with you looking at the automotive visual treats " the valley " had to offer.While I was salivating over the the numerous Mercedes S500 and Jaguar XK8 that zoomed toward Woodland Hills or made way east to Studio City . You interrupted my daydreaming of being behind the wheel of one of these luxury cars by saying there is something you don't see everyday... Because you had said that and I knew how tight your taste in fine cars is I immediately tried to focus in on whatever Bentley or Rolls Royce must have held you captive. I couldn't believe you were actually talking about the Notorious PRI. I was so dumbfounded . I thought to myself why you would think I wouldn't see that half a ass automobile everyday. I live in Cleveland. GM and Ford has cut jobs, gas prices are as high as giraffe pussy and some of the most patriotic car buyers have changed from made in the US to Japan's best export since Godzilla to this fair land.But then you pointed out those slug marks and I realized that you were right . Even in the grimy streets of my city no one would be caught dead in bullet riddled whip , now they might have been found dead in it and thats only because we Clevelanders take great pride in our " if you are going to dump on somebody's load like that they won't live to ride another day in it" attitude. Which made me have to take the pics and share them with my friends once I returned to the midwest. Have your gangbangers and felons no pride in their work ?
I do see one good way to use that car... every woman should own one and when that too pesky and persistant beau just refuses to kick rocks she should go over to his house in hysterics and tell him, "my ex boyfriend just doesnt want to let shit be over ..."
I can see the commercial now .... Toyota Prius for when no mufucka I don't want to see you anymore me just isn't enough
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Name: Lolita Files
Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States
About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.
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A whole post? For me?? Woohoo!! My day is now much cooler than it used to be. MUCH. Thanks! :D