| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita". |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes. If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Mr. Chicken (my favorite spot in Cleveland) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi (preferably Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream). Better yet, how about not show up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs, a bird (some kind of dove/pigeon mix), and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs, bird, and cat, we'll be instant friends. If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs, a bird, and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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| Funny, I've Been Thinking The Very Same Thing. |
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 |
One of my favorite sites, Gallery of the Absurd, has a rendering of former Sexiest Man In The Galaxy, Brad Pitt, as a veritable man-slave for his girlfriend (wife?) Angelina Jolie and her ever-expanding rainbow brood. What's interesting is that several of my friends and I have been discussing for some months now how amazing it is that Angelina's been able to take this original stoner, man's man kind of guy and turn him into The World's Sexiest Nanny. Apparently much of the world (that cares) has been thinking the same thing. It's great to see it captured in a drawing. This is a depiction of The Bradster as a pull toy. Check it out.
 Per Gallery of the Absurd:Brad Pitt has gone from sexiest man alive to subservient, pitiful yes-man who does whatever his girlfriend says. Ever since he met Angelina, he seems to have completely forgotten his self-identity. Don't believe us? Consider the following:
Angelina wears dark clothes, and what do you know.....Brad has started wearing dark clothes.
Angelina is a pilot....and SURPRISE! Brad wants to be a pilot.
Angelina is a Goodwill Ambassador, now Brad wants to be a Goodwill Ambassador.
AND.... the most obvious example of Brad's spineless metamorphosis can be observed in how Angelina grabs his hand and leads the way at each and every photo op. Brad is a pull toy, a handsome man on wheels who tends and entertains the kids while Angelina dazzles.
Curious about the shiny red button on the Pull Toy's back? Press it and Pull Toy happily responds:
"Yes dear."
"Whatever makes you happy, dear."
"I agree with you dear, excellent idea."
"Whatever you say dear."
This painting is dedicated to Jennifer Aniston. The tabloids claim you're still attached to Brad, but we hope you take one glance at this post and immediately forget him. Gallery of the Absurd |
posted by Lo @ 12:25 PM   |
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| 3 Comments: |
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see, ladies. this what happened when you give your MAN, more than HE asked for.
now brad pitt's a pussy!
say THAT three times!...hahahaha
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ROFL!! Is that what it is? Men always claim they want a Superwoman (freak in the bed, the ultimate mother, beautiful enough to make his friends envy him, talented), and when they get it, this is what happens? They punk the f*ck out?
Angelina obviously is The Truth, and, in the (bastardized) words of Jack Nicholson: "Y'all can't handle the truth!!!"
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angelina "the truth" jolie....has a nice ring to it, huh?
i mean she is whuppin' brad's ass, yup-yup!
i can, for one, being a heterosexual male (ain't gonna say some dumbshit like ya boy omar tyree did: alpha male) loves a smart, intelligent, thought-provoking woman. ain't a challenge to me, i just hope she'll feel the same toward moi.
but think about it lo, i'm sure he has probably been through so many women in hollywood and abroad that he's just ready to settle down and chill. he probably will get his mack on elsewhere until "the truth" hits him. but like fishin', mama jolie will just "reel" his ass in on home.
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see, ladies. this what happened when you give your MAN, more than HE asked for.
now brad pitt's a pussy!
say THAT three times!...hahahaha