The Lo Zone

A groovy place in cyberspace run by author Lolita Files. Come on in. Bring some Pepsi.

 
Lo Fun Fact #1
"Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita".
Lo Fun Fact #2
I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes. If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Mr. Chicken (my favorite spot in Cleveland) and a pair of Christian Louboutins.
Lo Fun Fact #3
Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi (preferably Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream). Better yet, how about not show up at all?
Lo Fun Fact #4
I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay?
Lo Fun Fact #5
I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!!
Lo Fun Fact #6
I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position.
Lo Fun Fact #7
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs, a bird (some kind of dove/pigeon mix), and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs, bird, and cat, we'll be instant friends. If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs, a bird, and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond.
Here's Your Passport Straight To Hell.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Have any of you ever heard of this term?
Goatse

I hadn't. At least, not until I came across it casually noted in an article I was reading last night (now that I know what it is, I can't imagine why it would be casually mentioned anywhere---note, I'm not casually mentioning it now; I'm doing so with great gravity...trust). After I saw the word, I Googled the damn thing. Now, more than ever, I'm convinced that one day, my need to know is going to lead me down a cyber rabbit hole straight to hell. Beelzebub himself will be standing at the end with flames and a pitchfork, saying, "Welcome, Lo. We've been waiting for you. You should have never Googled that shit."

Anyway, there it is. I don't even know how to pronounce it. I will provide no links whatsoever to help you locate the word's meaning. You're at the mercy of your own curiosity. Heaven forbid, should you succumb, you find a live shot of what it is. Make sure you haven't eaten recently. And, oh yeah, make sure that, if you're going to faint, you're someplace where you'll have a soft fall.

posted by Lo @ 1:22 PM  
12 Comments:
  • At March 8, 2006 6:45 AM, Blogger LBoogie said…

    Well f*&^ing thanks LO! Your taking my curious azz with you. "Guy Opens Ass To Show Everyone". Wow & why...

     
  • At March 8, 2006 10:02 AM, Blogger Lo said…

    Is THAT what it stands for, LBoogie? You're a better person than me, girl. The minute my stupid ass Googled my way to a site that filled my screen with an image of the guy doing it, I simply closed my laptop. I just CLOSED it. Didn't exit programs, didn't shut it down the proper way, just closed it. Then ran to the kitchen to get some water. I didn't get back on the computer for a while after that. Who comes up with that bullsh*t???????

     
  • At March 8, 2006 10:42 AM, Blogger LBoogie said…

    AND - they have like a cult following. Get this: you can get tshirts, cakes, food, etc... And I thought I was f&^%ed up... Of all the ways to jack off your time money and mental power - WOW!!!

     
  • At March 8, 2006 11:44 AM, Blogger Ettevy said…

    OMG!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! and then I threw up my breakfast.

     
  • At March 8, 2006 12:45 PM, Blogger Lance said…

    ladies...ladies....that wasn't so badddd....try going to rotten.com

    and yup, just finished off my "jill scott" breakfast platter...."juice, biscuits (homemade and skratch, from MY HANDS, not that can shit, y'all be eatin') two scrambled cheesy eggs, backon (i reckon?) and grrrrrits!

    hang in there ettevy! next time, i'll hook you up!... ;-)

     
  • At March 8, 2006 1:23 PM, Blogger Lo said…

    They got cakes and t-shirts, LBoogie? What the hell??!!! And Ettevy, you looked anyway, even though you had a full stomach??? And Lance, you can COOK?????

    What planet is this??!!

     
  • At March 8, 2006 1:39 PM, Anonymous Juan in DC said…

    Lo, some things are better left un-discovered. My son goes to a predominately white school so I, unfortunately, have been privy to many gross things, Goatse included.

    Pray for them.

    Peace(wyviaypf)

     
  • At March 8, 2006 2:09 PM, Blogger Ettevy said…

    yes Lo, curiosity got the best of me and i looked .... neva again.. neva eva again...
    Lance... errrrrahhh.. what time is breakfast tomorrow?

     
  • At March 8, 2006 2:41 PM, Blogger LBoogie said…

    Lance! You got me got me going now you sexy-chocolate, militant and can cook! Triple threat guy!

     
  • At March 8, 2006 10:38 PM, Blogger Lance said…

    breakfast is whenever ladies....a brother is trying to hold his own.

     
  • At March 8, 2006 11:39 PM, Blogger j said…

    Lance is a QUADRUPLE threat because he can quote from D.C. Cab! Props to you, Lance.... now, please make me some biskits. :)

     
  • At March 8, 2006 11:47 PM, Blogger Lo said…

    Biscuits and goatse. I would have NEVER put those two words in the same sentence.

    Only in The Lo Zone.

     
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About Me

Name: Lolita Files

Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States

About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.

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