| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita". |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes. If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Mr. Chicken (my favorite spot in Cleveland) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi (preferably Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream). Better yet, how about not show up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs, a bird (some kind of dove/pigeon mix), and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs, bird, and cat, we'll be instant friends. If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs, a bird, and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
|
Why I Love I'm Freaked Out By Simon Cowell, Part 6 Part 1 |
| Wednesday, March 08, 2006 |
 Last night, after this charming little country bump's energetic performance...
 ... Simon quite gleefully exclaimed:  "Kellie, you're what's known as a 'naughty little minx.'"
Poor little Kellie Pickler (could she have a hokier, more countrified last name?) was just as astonished as I, although her surprise seemed to come from a place of genuine naivete, whereas I, having been saddled with the name Lolita my entire life (and all the suggestive connotations that come with it), know a smarmy come-on from a man when I hear one, veiled or not. And trust me, folks, I've NEVER been wrong. It may take a man months, years even, to act on his smarmy, veiled come-on (if he does at all), but you can smell the intent. Without fail. My instincts are superior, nay, spidey, when it comes to the detection of this type of thing. I may play dumb like I didn't notice what was said (in the hopes that the comment will just fade into the ether, especially if the guy is someone I consider a friend and nothing more), but trust me, it's been mentally filed under, "Watch this muhfucka closely." You'd be amazed at how fat that file has gotten over the years. A girl can't just be her fun, bubbly, relaxed self these days without some guys ruining the moment with an unsolicited I-wanna-fuck-you move.
But I digress...
Simon kept the lecherous largesse coming, making everyone feel all the more uncomfortable and awkward with the following effusive remark:
The typically always-smiling Kellie didn't know what to do with that comment, so she just stared blankly.
 Afterwards, when Ryan Seacrest suggested that Simon's creepy minx comment warranted further explanation, Kellie happily exclaimed, "I'm a mink!!!" Ryan politely pointed out to her that, no dear, that's not what he said you were.
Simon probably went home last night and nailed the hell outta his girlfriend, as visions of blonde cornflower minxy goodness...
 ...danced in his head.
Fox.com: American Idol
Previously: The Lo Zone: Why I Love Simon Cowell, Part 5
Previously: The Lo Zone: Why I Love Simon Cowell, Part 4
Previously: The Lo Zone: Why I Love Simon Cowell, Part 3
Previously: The Lo Zone: Why I Love Simon Cowell, Part 2
Previously: The Lo Zone: Why I Love Simon Cowell, Part 1 |
posted by Lo @ 11:37 AM   |
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| 3 Comments: |
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I felt so bad for her, though I thought she was saying "I'm a minx" "I'm a minx" not knowing what it meant, thinking it was a compliment to have 30 million people hear Simon say that. Then Ryan upped the anty by asking her to name the fish she has just tried for the first time, to which she answers "SAHHHL-mon." It reminded me of when poor drunken Amber on the Andrew Firestone Bachelor season professed her love for Olive Garden, and asked Firestone if he too liked her favorite restaurant, and he smugly said he'd never been there...knowing that chain eating is of course not to be admitted to. I hate seeing people mocked for their supposed lack of sophistication, it might make good "tv" but its mean, and smug and makes me dislike the shows that I am tuning in to for guilty pleasure.
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She said I'M A MINK. She thought Simon was complimenting her and totally misunderstood the word he said. Poor girl. I hope no one explained to her later what the word he actually said meant and further spoiled her innocence. That would be a shame.
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now, i ain't gon lie. hell, i didn't know what a "minx" was my damn selph. so, i look it up in my "trusty" AMERICAN HERITAGE DICTIONARY.
minx (mingks) n. 1. A pert, impudent, or flirtatious young girl. 2. Obs. A promiscuous woman (Orig. unknown)
and she thought she was a "mink" and with that blank stare. whoa! natch (a lolita word, y'all), somebody is gonna drop the bomb on her about simon's "diss", but of course, we won't see the tears fall after her realization that she looked foolish for that gaffe of a moment and in from of millions of t.v. viewers.
i hate to tell y'all and i ain't scurred to say it...
somebody is gonna put a cap in simon's ass one of these days.
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I felt so bad for her, though I thought she was saying "I'm a minx" "I'm a minx" not knowing what it meant, thinking it was a compliment to have 30 million people hear Simon say that. Then Ryan upped the anty by asking her to name the fish she has just tried for the first time, to which she answers "SAHHHL-mon." It reminded me of when poor drunken Amber on the Andrew Firestone Bachelor season professed her love for Olive Garden, and asked Firestone if he too liked her favorite restaurant, and he smugly said he'd never been there...knowing that chain eating is of course not to be admitted to. I hate seeing people mocked for their supposed lack of sophistication, it might make good "tv" but its mean, and smug and makes me dislike the shows that I am tuning in to for guilty pleasure.