| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. To this day, she has no idea what a "Lolita" is. |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes. If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Mr. Chicken (my favorite spot in Cleveland) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi (preferably Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream). Better yet, how about not show up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs, a bird (some kind of dove/pigeon mix), and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs, bird, and cat, we'll be instant friends. If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs, a bird, and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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| I Gotta Get Me One-A These. |
| Wednesday, April 05, 2006 |
See, this is why I love Gallery of the Absurd. They are so freakin' clever over there. Seems they've done a piece addressing The Incident. You know...The Incident. Sure, there've been several, but I'm referring to the most recent one where Naomi Campbell allegedly attacked the hired help (again), using her obvious weapon of choice, a telephone.
The good folks at Gallery have come up with something truly efficient to aid Ms. Campbell and like-minded belligerent divas with unplanned attacks on their beleaguered minions.
Per GOTA:Even if you manage to avoid developing brain cancer from using your mobile phone, you still have to worry about the possibility of an angry Naomi Campbell hurling one at your head. One of the largest mobile device makers has teamed up with the aging supermodel to introduce the most fashionable phone to ever hit the runway. Studded with sparkling pink Swarovski crystals and featuring an exclusive 3 carat diamond, no one would guess that with a push of a button, this innocent little phone becomes a dangerous Ninja shuriken. The antenna doubles as a grenade pin...just pull and toss at your enemy! A set of Swiss army knives are also included, along with a high quality nail file and secret lipstick compartment. That shit is fantaaaaaaabulous. Now Naomi can do some real damage. I'm talking put some eyes out, stab a cook or two, maybe even shank the doorman at her building...until someone finally puts an end to all this nonsense and SHOVES THEIR FOOT UP HER ASS.
Which somebody should have done a long time ago. Why is this beweaved bitch getting away with so much foolishness? Why are so many folks putting up with her shit?
These people she keeps smashing in the head with phones---they can't be black. No offense to anybody, but they can't. Because all it would have taken was one wrong lick to a sistah, and Ms. Campbell would have been swatted a long time ago. She's not as crazy as she seems. She knows who to hit and who not to.
Gallery of the Absurd: The Naomi Campbell Cell Phone
Supermodel Denies Assault Charge - CBS News
Previously: The Lo Zone: Funny, I've Been Thinking The Very Same Thing.
Previously: The Lo Zone: (Sea) Monkey See, (Sea) Monkey Do
Previously: The Lo Zone: Startled Jones: The Transformation
Previously: The Lo Zone: Star Jones: Pin-Up Girl |
posted by Lo @ 12:25 PM   |
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| 8 Comments: |
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if i'm not mistaken the housekeeper, personal assistant and others that she's been "clockin'" upside the head wif, have been NON-BLACK. but the reason they probably "didn't" retaliate wuz they thought they could get sum munny from da beesch.
had it been a SISTUH, from BROOKLYN?!!!!!! naomi would have had to take that ass-whuppin'. then listen to it on a mixtape! cause that's where the money would have came from!
ONE!
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Now that would be sumthin', listening to her getting her ass beat with a phat beat behind it, something big and operatic, Kanyeezy style (think "Jesus Walks" or "Two Words"). Then let DJ Clue or somebody put a nice mix on it, and that thing would be the smash of the summer!!
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zackly!
all you can hear is naomi screaming in some british tongue and maybe busta rhymes gigglin' in the background.
hey, whateva happening to the first bad gurl supermodel, grace jones? you know, "pull up to da bumper"? now that joint was hot! especially during any summer.
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I just love that pic - thats fly as hell 2 me!
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are you serious lboogie?????
a pic of naomi takin' a shit and/or piss (can't tell by the angle) is fly?..... ;-P
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Yes Lance, I'd take one of myself and make into a greeting card. My sense of humor is like whoa!
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now, THAT'S a greeting card i wanna see!!!!! (don't forget the red santa's hat!)
i can see it now....
lboogie on the shitter with a red santa's hat, reading an essence mag. title of the card. "YOU BETTA BE NICE!" or "THE SHIT YOU GET FOR CHRISTMAS WILL NOT BE YOUR OWN!!!!!"
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Lance???????
Who have u been talking 2!!!!!!
Yikes - it's a small world...
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if i'm not mistaken the housekeeper, personal assistant and others that she's been "clockin'" upside the head wif, have been NON-BLACK. but the reason they probably "didn't" retaliate wuz they thought they could get sum munny from da beesch.
had it been a SISTUH, from BROOKLYN?!!!!!! naomi would have had to take that ass-whuppin'. then listen to it on a mixtape! cause that's where the money would have came from!
ONE!