| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita". |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes (although obviously I can't eat fried chicken nearly as much as I'd like). If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Church's (that's right, I said Church's) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi. Better yet, how about not showing up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you or take a long time to return your calls. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? (Exception: I will happily take all calls related to business or to share fun/exciting/major news. I'm just not one for jawing on the phone just to be jawing.) |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. I'm always on my laptop and connected to the internet as I work and when IM's pop into my screen out of nowhere, they break my concentration and often startle the sh*t out of me in the process. So don't do it. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. I had a bird (a Roller pigeon that I rescued in LA on New Year's Day in 2004) named B-Bird (what? that's a good name!) who passed away in February 2009, which broke my widdle heart in half. He loved me so, as I did him. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs and cat, we'll be instant friends, and if you ask about B-Bird, I'll probably hug you (unless you smell...wash first). If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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| The Irony Is...After Such A Noble Gesture, He's No Longer Necessary. |
| Wednesday, May 31, 2006 |
I mean, seriously...who wants a dickless man 'til death do you part?
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posted by Lo @ 1:02 PM   |
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| 16 Comments: |
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ROFLMBAO!!! That is funny...but he couldn't do nothing for me so then I would cheat. It defeats the purpose. Damn fool!!
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okay that really is sick...but the funny part is the picture with the prick with the "rub" on it...who would really want to rub it now??? thats the last rub its going to get...dang
sheletha, Kalamazoo MI
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Hi Sheletha! Welcome to The Zone! I pulled that picture of the barbecued d*ck out of an archive of hilarious pics I've found on the 'net. It seemed so appropriate for this particular "piece."
And Dawnya, you're right. The second a man hands you his "business" to prove his love, it's Splitsville, baby!! He may never cheat, but he's just insured that you definitely will.
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Based on you ladies comments you aren't into the whole "I just want a man who will hold me" theory.
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Need I quote "The Waterboy's" momma again? I didn't think so...
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So what are you saying, Matt? The "debil" made him do it? LOL.
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Rich,
I don't like to be touched unless I'm screwing. That is an issue for my husband because he is a cuddler, but whateva!! So no...I don't want to be held. ROFL
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ROFL!!! Dawnya, you are a RIOT!!!
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I used to tell my wife, "God, I want to hold you....under water..."
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...of course, she had a hard time hearing me underneath her HAZMAT suit.
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ROFL!! ROFL!! ROFL!! ROFL!!
Matt, you are straight BONKERS!!!
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Matt you are out of control!!! That is hilarious!
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Oh, my goodness, Matt. ROFL!!!! Lo, where do you find these things???
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Vickie, girl, I just happened to come across it out in cyberspace and was like, 'what the...?'.
As for Matt, ain't he a mess? The Lo Zone has its very own comedy corner with him in the house.
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lol...sorry, i'm late for the party but you guys are mad sick! hang in there matt!!!!
*on vacation in rural north carolina, with dial-up service, but damn good eatin'!!!....hard to type with greasy fangers!!!*
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hi sheletha, welcome to the lo-zone! you're gonna love this blog!!!
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Name: Lolita Files
Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States
About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.
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ROFLMBAO!!! That is funny...but he couldn't do nothing for me so then I would cheat. It defeats the purpose. Damn fool!!