| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita". |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes (although obviously I can't eat fried chicken nearly as much as I'd like). If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Church's (that's right, I said Church's) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi. Better yet, how about not showing up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you or take a long time to return your calls. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? (Exception: I will happily take all calls related to business or to share fun/exciting/major news. I'm just not one for jawing on the phone just to be jawing.) |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. I'm always on my laptop and connected to the internet as I work and when IM's pop into my screen out of nowhere, they break my concentration and often startle the sh*t out of me in the process. So don't do it. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. I had a bird (a Roller pigeon that I rescued in LA on New Year's Day in 2004) named B-Bird (what? that's a good name!) who passed away in February 2009, which broke my widdle heart in half. He loved me so, as I did him. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs and cat, we'll be instant friends, and if you ask about B-Bird, I'll probably hug you (unless you smell...wash first). If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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| When A Deal's Not A Deal. |
| Friday, June 09, 2006 |
Okay, I know I was supposed to be taking today off to do some stuff, which I am, but I just had to share this with you guys because it's just too damn funny.
A few minutes ago, I was talking on the phone to my good friend, Shaun Robinson.
We were doing our typical girlfriends-shooting-the-breeze kinda thing. She was snacking on some cherries as she talked, when suddenly she noticed an unusual pattern about them.
She bought the cherries from a guy who was selling them on the side of the road. California is a state rich with farms and produce, so there are farmer's markets everywhere and always lots of people selling fresh fruits and vegetables along the road. Nothing unusual about that.
The cherries were very sweet and tasty, but she kept getting not just one pit, but another smaller pit every time she ate one. She looked at one of the cherries as she talked to me. It had a smaller, deformed twin attached to it, hence the second smaller pit. She looked at another cherry. Also deformed. Then another. That was deformed, too. She fanned out the cherries on her kitchen counter to get a global glimpse.
All them fuckin' cherries were deformed.
 Every single one of them had some sort of double-bubble thing happening or some weird growth bursting out of the top.
 According to Shaun, the cherries the man had on display looked nothing like these. The ones on display were perfect and pretty and round like regular cherries. Once she agreed to get some, he reached in a cooler in the back and handed her these pre-bagged, ready-to-roll RETARDED cherries.
 LOL. I'm in tears right now, I'm laughing so hard. Every time I look at these pics of those deformed cherries...
 ...I bust out laughing all over again.
Shaun Robinson's Site on MySpace.com |
posted by Lo @ 3:14 PM   |
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| 4 Comments: |
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well, shaun...look on the bright side, "practice makes perfect"...lol
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Now she's gonna have 'mutant cherries' growing on the inside of her... LOL
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I didn't realize Chernobyl Cherries were still on the market.
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oh yeah matt, chernobyl cherries are still on the market, in fact you can get them and chernobyl chicken at my local chinese restaurant!!!!
damn, dem sum big chick'n wangs!!!!!
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| About Me |
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Name: Lolita Files
Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States
About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.
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well, shaun...look on the bright side, "practice makes perfect"...lol