| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita". |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes (although obviously I can't eat fried chicken nearly as much as I'd like). If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Church's (that's right, I said Church's) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi. Better yet, how about not showing up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you or take a long time to return your calls. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? (Exception: I will happily take all calls related to business or to share fun/exciting/major news. I'm just not one for jawing on the phone just to be jawing.) |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. I'm always on my laptop and connected to the internet as I work and when IM's pop into my screen out of nowhere, they break my concentration and often startle the sh*t out of me in the process. So don't do it. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. I had a bird (a Roller pigeon that I rescued in LA on New Year's Day in 2004) named B-Bird (what? that's a good name!) who passed away in February 2009, which broke my widdle heart in half. He loved me so, as I did him. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs and cat, we'll be instant friends, and if you ask about B-Bird, I'll probably hug you (unless you smell...wash first). If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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| Swiss Cows Will Kick Your Ass. |
| Thursday, August 31, 2006 |
They don't wanna be touched, alright? They just wanna chill and eat their straw without any disruptions. Sheesh.
 Keep your distance. Avoid eye contact. And even if it looks cute, never hug a Swiss cow.
Responding to numerous "reports of unpleasant meetings between hikers and cattle" along Switzerland's picture-perfect Alpine trails this summer, the Swiss Hiking Federation has laid down a few ground rules.
"Leave the animals in peace and do not touch them. Never caress a calf," the group's guidance, posted on the website www.swisshiking.ch, reads.
"Do not scare the animals or look them directly in the eye. Do not wave sticks. [...]
First off, who the hell is hugging cows? And waving sticks (!!!)? These can't be black people. I know that for a fact. We don't just roll up on animals that we're not trying to eat. [See my shark post from late last year.]
I feel you, Swiss cows. Just because you look all nice and friendly doesn't mean you want to be petted. I hate it when I'm just minding my own business grazing and someone rolls up and starts stroking me.
Well, sometimes I hate it.
Okay, I don't hate it at all. Bring it on, strokers!!!*
*Touch me without asking and I'll make those Swiss cows seem like pet rabbits in comparison...okay?
Reuters: Mooove slowly and don't hug cows, hikers told |
posted by Lo @ 11:56 AM   |
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| 4 Comments: |
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Please don't stoke the nape of my neck and you are not trying to seduce me.
Im a short hair sassy chic, and the nape of my neck is very sensitive (Its damn near erotic)so if I turn around and you are not a male, over 6 feet tall, athletic build, and we are not in a room with vanilla candles burning...I will kick some ass like them cows.
Okay Im back, now that I told everybody, Im not responsible for my actions.
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I hear that, Sheletha. I'm like that about my neck, too. Except it's not the nape of my neck, it's the sides. That area is off-limits if we're not intimately involved or about to (mutually) cross the line into becoming intimately involved. I'll judo chop a mofo for entering that area. It's definitely a "no-fly" zone unless you mean business.
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damn...when we all meet...a handshake will HAVE to do!!!
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lol...couldn't help but to think about the character in the movie "there's something about mary"...you know the retarded kid that didn't like anything on his ears.
a classic comedy...
"oooh, hair gel!!!!"
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Name: Lolita Files
Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States
About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.
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Please don't stoke the nape of my neck and you are not trying to seduce me.
Im a short hair sassy chic, and the nape of my neck is very sensitive (Its damn near erotic)so if I turn around and you are not a male, over 6 feet tall, athletic build, and we are not in a room with vanilla candles burning...I will kick some ass like them cows.
Okay Im back, now that I told everybody, Im not responsible for my actions.