| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita". |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes (although obviously I can't eat fried chicken nearly as much as I'd like). If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Church's (that's right, I said Church's) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi. Better yet, how about not showing up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you or take a long time to return your calls. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? (Exception: I will happily take all calls related to business or to share fun/exciting/major news. I'm just not one for jawing on the phone just to be jawing.) |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. I'm always on my laptop and connected to the internet as I work and when IM's pop into my screen out of nowhere, they break my concentration and often startle the sh*t out of me in the process. So don't do it. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. I had a bird (a Roller pigeon that I rescued in LA on New Year's Day in 2004) named B-Bird (what? that's a good name!) who passed away in February 2009, which broke my widdle heart in half. He loved me so, as I did him. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs and cat, we'll be instant friends, and if you ask about B-Bird, I'll probably hug you (unless you smell...wash first). If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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| I'll Take "The Rapist" For Five Pounds, Alex!!! |
| Thursday, November 08, 2007 |
 Cute, ain't he?
But did either of them mention that this little charmer is...A RAPIST?!?!?!*
That's right. He's been "HUNCHING" me. And I mean "HUNCHING," not "Humping." "Humping" is cute. "HUNCHING" is what the nasty little boys in grade school who skip class, taunt you in the halls, and sit at the back of the bus do to frightened-but-good little schoolgirls when they corner you in the library stacks or you don't run away fast enough after you get off the bus and they happen to pin you down...
*Sorry...whew!...just had a flashback from fifth grade*
Anyway, this little beast is "HUNCHING" me on the regular. When he first climbed on top of my foot and did it, I thought, "Oh, how cute. Look at that! He doesn't even realize what he's doing!" Then he straddled my thigh (because it had more meat on it and he could get a better grip) and did a full-blown, fast pump HUNCH. I was horrified and quickly pulled him off. But noooooooo...he mounted my thigh again and got his HUNCH on some more. I screamed out for the Mister and we both simultaneously said the same thing...
 Talk about the apple not falling far from the tree!!! I should have seen this one coming, right?
The least he could do is not hunch me when I'm sick. Damn. Give a sistah a break.**
*That makes two rapists in the house, since we already know my other boy dog, Milo, has some issues in that department.
**On an up note, Lucky's gonna make one helluva stud dog!!!
Celebrity Cane Corso Kennels
I Am Inspired: And Then There Were 5...
The World According To Cortney Gee: Happiness Is A Warm Puppy!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: I'll Take "The Rapists" For $200, Alex!!! |
posted by Lo @ 10:05 AM   |
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| 13 Comments: |
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Ohhhhhhhh shit! WTF, babygirl! I got up early and figured I'd roll through your site to see what's up. This made me laugh so hard, I spit coffee all over my screen!
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This is the funniest thing ever!!!!!!
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ROFLMAO!! Lo!! You have the best sense of humor!!
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This dog looks too tiny to be hunching anything. I guess it proves that sex drive is ingrained unless he's witnessed a whole lot of f-cking in his very young years and wants in on his share of some now.
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Maybe you should have named him 'Hunch'.
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Sounds like SKEETer would have been more appropriate.
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oh man...leave it you to expose his lil perv ways.
Look out world..."Here comes Lucky"
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Talk about "touch my monkey". Damn!!!!
You's a funny one, girl.
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Go, Lucky, go! Get your hunch on! I'd hunch Lolita Files too if I had the chance!
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ROFL at your man giving Anonymous crickets! Ha! Guess there's only one Lo-huncher allowed in that house and it ain't the puppy.
Classic.
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He said 'Lo-huncher.'
Heh-heh heh-heh heh-heh (Beavis and Butthead style)
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Ya'll are HILARIOUS!!!
Anonymous gone get fugged up...hehehe
And yeah Lo...you shoulda seen it comin! ROFLMAO...
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Name: Lolita Files
Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States
About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.
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Ohhhhhhhh shit! WTF, babygirl! I got up early and figured I'd roll through your site to see what's up. This made me laugh so hard, I spit coffee all over my screen!