The Lo Zone

A groovy place in cyberspace run by author Lolita Files. Come on in. Bring some Pepsi.

 
Lo Fun Fact #1
"Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita".
Lo Fun Fact #2
I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes (although obviously I can't eat fried chicken nearly as much as I'd like). If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Church's (that's right, I said Church's) and a pair of Christian Louboutins.
Lo Fun Fact #3
Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi. Better yet, how about not showing up at all?
Lo Fun Fact #4
I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you or take a long time to return your calls. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? (Exception: I will happily take all calls related to business or to share fun/exciting/major news. I'm just not one for jawing on the phone just to be jawing.)
Lo Fun Fact #5
I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!!
Lo Fun Fact #6
I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. I'm always on my laptop and connected to the internet as I work and when IM's pop into my screen out of nowhere, they break my concentration and often startle the sh*t out of me in the process. So don't do it. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position.
Lo Fun Fact #7
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. I had a bird (a Roller pigeon that I rescued in LA on New Year's Day in 2004) named B-Bird (what? that's a good name!) who passed away in February 2009, which broke my widdle heart in half. He loved me so, as I did him. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs and cat, we'll be instant friends, and if you ask about B-Bird, I'll probably hug you (unless you smell...wash first). If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond.
I'll Take "The Rapists" For $200, Alex!!!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I don't know why, but that particular sound bite has been flooding my head for the past couple of weeks. I say it almost daily, apropos of nothing, in response to practically everything.

And I do it in a very bad Sean Connery voice.

In case you don't know where that phrase came from, it's part of an SNL bit spoofing Celebrity Jeopardy...

...featuring a poker-faced Will Ferrell...

...as Alex Trebek...

...and longtime cast member Darrell Hammond...

...who can mimic damn near anyone, including Jesse Jackson (!!!)...

...as the ornery, blatantly horny, malaprop-ridden Sean Connery.

Here's a compilation for your viewing pleasure. Happy Tuesday!!! Enjoy!!!


[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]


posted by Lo @ 1:39 PM   4 comments
Goodbye To A Great.
Monday, July 30, 2007
I love film. My passion for the cinema is as much a part of me as my skin, eyes, teeth, and hands. It is cellular. Today, we lost of one of the great ones, an auteur in the purest sense. A man whose body of work had not just a great influence on me, but a vast number of creative spirits and lovers of film throughout the world.

Ingmar Bergman, the “poet with the camera” who is considered one of the greatest directors in motion picture history, died today on the small island of Faro where he lived on the Baltic coast of Sweden, Astrid Soderbergh Widding, president of The Ingmar Bergman Foundation, said. Bergman was 89.

Critics called Mr. Bergman one of the directors — the others being Federico Fellini and Akira Kurosawa — who dominated the world of serious film making in the second half of the 20th century.



Like many artists, Bergman often drew inspiration from observing life:
The ideas for his films, he said, came to him in many ways. "Persona," the study of two women in neurotic intimacy, came to life, he said, when one day he saw two women sitting together comparing hands. "I thought to myself," he said, “that one of them is mute and the other speaks."

The germ for "The Silence" — in which a dying woman and her sister are in a foreign country with no means of communication — came from a hospital visit, he said, where "I noticed from a window a very old man, enormously fat and paralyzed, sitting in a chair under a tree in the park."

"As I watched," he said, "four jolly, good-natured nurses came marching out, lifted him up, chair and all, and carried him back into the hospital. The image of being carried away like a dummy stayed in my mind."

The title of my first novel, Scenes From A Sistah...

...was directly drawn from the title of one of my favorite Bergman films, Scenes From A Marriage.

I first saw it as a miniseries on PBS (it was later repackaged as a three-hour film) when I was an eggheaded twelve-year-old and was absolutely riveted by the intensity of interaction between the characters as they experienced the extreme highs and lows of matrimony. Its star, Liv Ullmann (who had a child and a long-term relationship with Bergman), instantly became one of my favorite actresses. I remain an avid fan of her body of work to this day.

If you've never seen a Bergman film, do yourself a tremendous favor and watch a marathon of his projects. While his work might not be for everyone, his stories are powerful, moving, and pull from the true and expansive range of human emotion in ways that few directors have done before or since his arrival in the world of cinema.

Another favorite director of mine, Woody Allen...

...has long been an unabashed fan of Bergman's. One of Woody's best films, a drama completely absent of his notorious wit, is Interiors...

...which chronicles how the grown daughters of a dysfunctional well-to-do family try their best to keep their family unit connected after their father divorces their mother and moves on to a happy new relationship, while the mother, a woman riddled with OCD and a refusal to accept change, passive-aggressively controls those around her and systematically falls apart. Check it out if you get a chance. It is very Bergmanesque and is a film I have watched again and again.

NY Times.com: Ingmar Bergman, Famed Director, Dies at 89
posted by Lo @ 1:20 PM   6 comments
If You're Reading This From Work, You Ain't 'Bout Shit.*
Friday, July 27, 2007
Just kidding. Sorta...*

Americans who feel bored and underpaid do work hard -- at surfing the Internet and catching up on gossip, according to a survey that found U.S. workers waste about 20 percent of their working day.

An online survey of 2,057 employees by online compensation company Salary.com found about six in every 10 workers admit to wasting time at work with the average employee wasting 1.7 hours of a typical 8.5 hour working day.

Personal Internet use topped the list as the leading time-wasting activity according to 34 percent of respondents, with 20.3 percent then listing socializing with co-workers and 17 percent conducting personal business as taking up time.

The reasons why people wasted time were varied with nearly 18 percent of respondents questioned by e-mail in June and July said boredom and not having enough to do was the main reason.

The second most popular reason for wasting time was having too long hours (13.9 percent), being underpaid (11.8 percent), and a lack of challenging work (11.1 percent).

See? Everybody's doing it, not just you. Don't you feel normal now? Even I do it and I'm my own boss, which means I'm cheating my damn self.

I ain't 'bout shit, either.

**Some of y'all are spending about 80 percent of your day out here. Damn. There's help for that, you know.

Reuters: Wasting time at work? You're not alone: survey
posted by Lo @ 9:05 AM   3 comments
Let There Be Credit...
Thursday, July 26, 2007
...and there was. LOTS.

Manhattan accountant Frank Van Buren found himself flooded with plastic in recent weeks, as the ExxonMobil cards kept on coming. Van Buren, who said he has had an ExxonMobil account for his business for 17 years, had ordered two copies of his card because it was expiring.

He got the cards he requested -- and then got two boxes with 1,000 cards each. Van Buren said it took hours to shred the cards, which all had his name and account number.

''How could you send me 2,000 cards by mistake?'' Van Buren said he asked customer-service representatives.
Imagine the windfall for potential thieves if they'd gotten their hands on those boxes of cards. In times when gas is so expensive? Homeboy's whole world could have been shut down in a single day with 2,000 different people all buying gas on his card at the same time (let's suspend disbelief here and assume there's no credit limit on the card and that $0 fraud liability they mention on their website doesn't apply...1,998 extra credit cards are just ridiculous).

NY Times.com: ExxonMobil Sends Man 2, 000 Credit Cards
posted by Lo @ 12:05 PM   4 comments
Pay Attention The Next Time Kitty Curls Up With You.
That innocent little purring just might be your death knell.

Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.

"He doesn't make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die," said Dr. David Dosa in an interview.

[...]

The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. The facility treats people with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and other illnesses.

After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He'd sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours.

Dosa said Oscar seems to take his work seriously and is generally aloof. "This is not a cat that's friendly to people," he said.
Obviously. Just nearly-dead people. Beware the cat that loves you when you're on your way out.

That's why I'm a dog person. They love me no matter what.

AP: Oscar the cat predicts patients' deaths
posted by Lo @ 9:45 AM   9 comments
Coming Soon...
Wednesday, July 25, 2007

After I fully awaken from my long, long nap.

Best. sleep. ever.
posted by Lo @ 12:24 PM   3 comments
About Me

Name: Lolita Files

Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States

About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.

See my complete profile

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