The Lo Zone

A groovy place in cyberspace run by author Lolita Files. Come on in. Bring some Pepsi.

 
Lo Fun Fact #1
"Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. To this day, she has no idea what a "Lolita" is.
Lo Fun Fact #2
I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes. If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Mr. Chicken (my favorite spot in Cleveland) and a pair of Christian Louboutins.
Lo Fun Fact #3
Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi (preferably Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream). Better yet, how about not show up at all?
Lo Fun Fact #4
I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay?
Lo Fun Fact #5
I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!!
Lo Fun Fact #6
I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position.
Lo Fun Fact #7
I have four five wonderful, slap-happy dogs and a bird (some kind of dove/pigeon mix), all of whom I love to pieces. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs and bird, we'll be instant friends. If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five dogs and a bird, see the above fun fact for how I will respond.
Home Hope For The Holidays.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Congratulations to my dear friend and editor, Lil' Pools Jennifer Pooley...


...and the gem of an author whose book she "discovered" at a writers' conference in San Diego in January of 2006. Since then, the author, Marjorie Hart, and her charming little slice of Americana, Summer at Tiffany...


...have gone on to critical acclaim and is now in its NINTH PRINTING!!!

What made this story even more special is that Marjorie was over 80 years old when she met Jennifer, but she had a story and she had a dream. Now 83 years old, that dream has been realized with a flourish. Both women epitomize the spirit of hope and pressing forward, even in the face of daunting adversity. And because of the success of Summer at Tiffany, Marjorie brings the gift of one more adventure at Tiffany during the end of 1945/beginning of 1946 in a special holiday essay, featured below.

Have a blessed season, everyone. Enjoy the story, and always remember...

...it's never too late to dream the big dream!!!


"New Year's at Tiffany"


On a wintry early December night in 1945 I stood before my sorority house at the University of Iowa opening the letter that had just arrived from Jim. New York City---New Year's Eve---those dazzling words! When I added: Boyfriend---Fifth Avenue---Tiffany---it evoked such a stunning combination of images, I shrieked loud enough for the Pi Phi's to hear from the Kappa House. In a heartbeat I was at Towner's Ready to Wear for Women on the main street of Iowa City to add extra hours to my schedule to save for a train ticket. Towner's. What a come-down from working last summer as a page on the sales floor of Tiffany---Judy Garland would certainly not be walking through their door.

By Christmas, I was home from college with my family in Story City, though I have to say, my mind was on the big city---and what to wear. It was my mother who made the difference, she transformed my camel hair's coat with furs from the cedar chest, creating a wide collared shawl that draped to my waist and an enormous matching muff with a secret pocket in the satin-lining. The furs were dark brown, silky and gorgeous---they carried a whiff of mothballs, but no matter. Posing in the mirror, I let the muff dangle nonchalantly like Lauren Bacall, feeling incredibly chic, elegant, and sophisticated.

My father drove me to the Des Moines train station. Inside the muff, the size of my suitcase, I hid my train ticket, money, comb, and lipstick. I promised, "Don't worry---I'll be writing soon from New York City."

Morning Side Drive, December 27, 1945

Dear Family,

Arrived safely at the Shuttleworth's. Even slept on the train---thanks to the muff! Jim doesn't arrive til this weekend---so it's Tiffany's tomorrow. Will look for a silver spoon for Katherine and Dick's baby. Mrs. Shuttleworth says that I have to go to the opera---the tickets are $1.25---and guess what? Janos Sholz is giving a cello recital at Town Hall---remember when I took lessons from him? I won't forget to find a gift for the Shuttleworth's. Let me know if the baby is early---hope it's a boy!

Love,
Marjorie


Before I entered Tiffany's, I lingered by the decorated show windows. To tell the truth, I felt shy without Marty by my side. She'd sent greetings to everyone, "Don't forget Mr. Wilson---the cashier"---and so on. After stopping to chat with the Fifth Avenue doorman, the salesmen recognized me. What a warm welcome---even from Mr. Hyrdman! They greeted me like a celebrity, showing me the newest diamonds and priceless gems. After I'd circled the floor to greet everyone, it was difficult to break away, but I had to see Mr. T.C..

As soon as I spotted the third floor, I casually asked, "Do you carry Spode?" "Miss Marjorie!" he exclaimed. I'd surprised him and his obvious delight in seeing me, surprised me. When I asked about baby spoon, his eyes widened, "For my sister," I stammered. He could tease, too, "Only one sniff of brandy for you this New Year's Eve!"

Jim had written from Newport: Meet me at the Astor Hotel. I reached the tinseled lobby early, so early that I could touch-up my hair and rehearse what to say. First I'd tell Jim all about Tiffany's and the diamonds, I'd tell him about the Town Hall recital and then about the opera, Il Tabarro (The Cloak). Meanwhile, where was he? I touched his fraternity pin, fastened right next to my Kappa key, wondering with worry, if his cherished pin still belonged to me.

It was snowing when Jim strode through the door in his officer's hat with gold braid. I caught my breath when he enveloped me in his long Navy coat. "Gosh---you look great!" his eyes sparkled. "And you," I answered, feeling bashful. He was a Navy ensign, distinguished and serious. I was tongue-tied as we went to catch a bus. We were silent. Everything was different. Even the city had changed since the war dim-out was over. Lights blazed, neon waterfalls gushed, the Camel man blew smoke rings. True, New York City wasn't all Fifth Avenue and glittering Tiffany's, but this was not how I remembered my New York. Or how I remembered Jim.

My cheeks turned red---not from the cold---and I felt awkward and miserable. It wasn't until Jim brushed snow from my fur collar that I caught a grin. I smiled, he chuckled, and we joined in a nervous giggle that ended in a shared kind of laughter. We started laughing about nothing---nothing at all. When we arrived at Asti's for dinner, everyone was singing opera, from the hat check girl to the waiters. Once again we were just starry eyed kids.

The next day, Jim said we were going someplace special---in Brooklyn. Brooklyn? I should not have doubted him. At the New York Naval Shipyard we boarded the USS Missouri---the Big Mo---the site of the Japanese surrender. With high-ranking officers and visitors we stood in respectful silence where the marked square on the deck indicated the table where General MacArthur and Japan's Foreign Minister, Shigemitzu (Ziggy to the press) signed the documents. The photos were amazing: General MacArthur in military dress, Shigemitzu and the Japanese dignitaries in black suits and top hats! Leaving Brooklyn was memorable in another way. As we crossed the Brooklyn Bridge at night, the stunning skyline of Manhattan's Christmas lights reflected over water like a dazzling Oriental carpet. Ohmygosh. Jim squeezed my hand as if we'd witnessed a miracle.

What do I remember about New Year's Eve, December 31, 1945? The fragrant smell of the gardenia Jim pinned on my shoulder, the fur hat I fashioned for the trip and the friends who helped us celebrate over most of Manhattan. We dashed to the Madison Hotel to grab a table; we took the El to the Fraternity House at the corner of Third and Seventeenth to sing the college songs---where six of us tucked around a cozy table covered with their signature red and white checkered table cloth---and then took a bus headed for Greenwich Village to a racy nightclub. When the stage act began Jim shot me a worried look, "Let's leave," he said and chased down a cab, "to the Van Rensselaer."

It was almost midnight. We were back at our favorite summer haunt, the two us, and the Irish bartender was singing the song I called "My Pretty Colleen." We clinked glasses and laughed, spoke with wonder about the War's end---the war that had touched every life, every family across the world---and we whispered secrets between kisses and reminisced. "Remember those creaky steps," I whispered squeezing his hand, "that one sweltering night?" There was silence and I held my breath. Could he have forgotten? Then Jim said softly, "You mean the night we snuck onto the roof of your apartment building?" With his boyish smile, he lifted my chin. My eyes welled, and we kissed, again, and again, as the cherished moments of 1945 faded into the New Year.



Previously: The Lo Zone: Dare To Dream.
posted by Lo @ 10:50 AM   2 comments
David Gregory Gets His Grown Man On.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
This made my whole morning. I mean, who can resist grooving to Mary J.? Not NBC's Chief White House correspondent David Gregory, that's for sure!!!


[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]

posted by Lo @ 1:20 PM   8 comments
I Want My Fat Ass Santa Back!!!
This is NSFW in some places, but funny as hell. Enjoy!!!



[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]


Santa's THE ONLY GUY who can get away with manboobs and a gut.


posted by Lo @ 12:05 PM   7 comments
Sometimes All It Takes Is Something Small To Hit That Last Nerve.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
A woman who was angry because her husband wanted her to turn up the heat pulled out a gun and shot their flat-screen TV while he cowered behind a pillow...

The 65-year-old man called 911 Sunday night from the basement of their Washington Township home, about 25 miles north of Detroit.

"My wife's got a gun. She's shooting at me,'' Joseph Grucz said in the recorded call.

He told the operator that Cheryl Grucz, 61, was angry because he wanted the heat turned up. She fired a round while he hid his head in a pillow, striking the plasma TV, then went upstairs, the Detroit Free Press said.

''She's all excited about it because she's so cheap,'' the husband said.

His wife, who had picked up another extension, told the operator she wanted to tell her side.

''I'm not going to hurt him. He has pushed me over the edge, that was all,'' Cheryl Grucz said, according to a recording obtained by WXYZ-TV. ''He has had a stroke, and he's taking it all out on me.''

''No I'm not,'' her husband said.

''Yes, he is,'' she told the dispatcher.

Cheryl Grucz was arraigned Monday in Romeo District Court on a charge of assault with intent to do great bodily harm, a charge with a top penalty of 10 years in prison. She also faces a felony firearms charge. Grucz was freed on $50,000 bond until a preliminary examination Jan. 15.

The judge also ordered her to enroll in a domestic violence program, WDIV-TV said.
I'm guessing this fool drove her to this, yet he found a way to play victim when he called 911. Wives like this put up with shit for years. What's wrong with shooting up a tv every now and then just to blow off some steam?


NYTimes.com: Fight Over Heat Makes Wife Hot
posted by Lo @ 9:05 AM   7 comments
I Wonder If I Can Google Me Googling Myself.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
As if there's not enough circle-jerking in the world...



*Even better, I wonder if I can Google anyone who Googles me Googling myself. Also, how stupid are we as a species that we can say the word "Google" with a straight face and conjugate it and what-not (Googling, Googled, Googlish) without feeling like f*cking fools?


posted by Lo @ 10:45 AM   5 comments
Why I Love Will Smith.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Because he's smart, driven, sexy...

...(respect due, Jada), staunchly committed to his family, and consistently pulls off shit like this:


That's right, folks.


By the way, if you didn't see Will's awesome interview on 60 Minutes earlier this month, it's definitely worth checking out below.


[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]


*Plus we have the same birthday, which means he really, really ROCKS!!!

posted by Lo @ 9:05 AM   5 comments
Happy Big 5-0, Juan G!!!!!!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Lots and lots of birthday love to one of my favorite people...


Today's a big one, 50!!! You're just entering the wonder years, buddy. I hear the fifties are when the fun really starts!!!

We love you, man, and hope that you're having a blast today, tomorrow, all through the holidays, and beyond. Thanks for being such a wonderful human being and for being a true example of the word "friend".

posted by Lo @ 8:42 PM   4 comments
God Rest Ye Merry GentleMan.
Somewhere in hell, a she-devil is getting her ass beat by the newest arrival.



posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   8 comments
Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire...
Wednesday, December 12, 2007

*What?!?! I'm just keeping the Christmas theme going!!!


posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   5 comments
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!!!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Crackheads, rejoice!!! There'll be no more thousand year sentences (hopefully) for having a handful of rocks versus the considerably lesser sentences that are typically handed out for having truckloads of the powder version.

Hint:
poorer folks---read, blacks and latinos---are often the possessors of crack rock...



...whereas your cozy, comfy middle and upper-class folk---read, whites---are often the purveyors of powder.



Notice a pattern?

So get your happy dance on, crackheads and neighborhood slangers!!!

Your day has finally come!!!



posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   5 comments
Hoe, Hoe, Hoes!!!
Monday, December 10, 2007
It's the holiday season. Let's celebrate with some happy video.

"Anybody in the room have a rock?"



[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]


posted by Lo @ 9:25 AM   9 comments
Flippin' The N.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
I know I've been throwing up a lot of clips from The Boondocks lately, but I just love this show, and season two is off the heeze.


In this week's episode, called Ballin', they flip The N Word so many times and so many ways during the twenty-one minute run-time (it's most hilarious when they say it fast, so that it sounds like "nuhga") that it's hard to keep count. Check out how many times they say it in this three-minute clip, which was my favorite part of the episode. Riley gets his Kobe on as a selfish basketball prodigy. Oversized egos and multiple hits of The N Word ensue...


[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]


Previously: The Lo Zone: Like 'A Tribe Called Quest'...You Say The Whole Thing!!!
Previously: The Lo Zone: Long Live Luna The Wolf Bitch (...Sorta...)!!!
posted by Lo @ 12:30 PM   6 comments
Am I The Only Person Who Hasn't Tried Spanx Yet?
A part of me is afraid they'll make me look like Oprah does in this picture. (Cleveland hasn't been so good for my diet. This extra poundage has got to go!!!)


Plus them shits look like they hurt!!!

A man tried to wear a pair to see what all the fuss was about. It wasn't pretty, to say the least.

NY Observer: Spanx Me, Baby!
posted by Lo @ 11:00 AM   10 comments
Happy Birthday, Bill!!!
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Here's wishing a wonderful b-day to my dear friend, Willie D Bill Hobi!!!


I miss hanging out with you. Maybe we can play catch-up in the near future. In the meantime, you are much loved, my friend. Have a happy one!!!

posted by Lo @ 9:33 AM   5 comments
Like 'A Tribe Called Quest'...You Say The Whole Thing!!!
Monday, December 03, 2007
This is from the first season of The Boondocks and is a classic, but I pulled it out because I've been trying to get my laugh on as much as possible of late. This makes me scream every time I look at it. The pimp, of course, is voiced by (and drawn to look like) the hilarious Katt Williams, doing what he does best...act a damn fool. (Don't forget to check him out in my buddy David E. Talbert's upcoming new film, First Sunday.) Enjoy!!!


[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]


posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   4 comments
Chillin' On A Chilly Saturday.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Y'all know I love to dig in the crates when I'm writing so that I can feel the inspiration.

This song used to be my shit. Main Source knew how to bring it back in the day.






...one of the greatest hip-hop producers ever (and he discovered Nas!!!) could spit with the best.


[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]

posted by Lo @ 6:00 PM   2 comments
About Me

Name: Lolita Files

Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States

About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.

See my complete profile

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