| Lo Fun Fact #1 |
| "Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. For as long as she lived, she had no idea there was anything sexual or seedy about being called "Lolita". |
| Lo Fun Fact #2 |
| I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes (although obviously I can't eat fried chicken nearly as much as I'd like). If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Church's (that's right, I said Church's) and a pair of
Christian Louboutins. |
| Lo Fun Fact #3 |
| Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi. Better yet, how about not showing up at all? |
| Lo Fun Fact #4 |
| I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you or take a long time to return your calls. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay? (Exception: I will happily take all calls related to business or to share fun/exciting/major news. I'm just not one for jawing on the phone just to be jawing.) |
| Lo Fun Fact #5 |
| I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!! |
| Lo Fun Fact #6 |
| I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. I'm always on my laptop and connected to the internet as I work and when IM's pop into my screen out of nowhere, they break my concentration and often startle the sh*t out of me in the process. So don't do it. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position. |
| Lo Fun Fact #7 |
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. I had a bird (a Roller pigeon that I rescued in LA on New Year's Day in 2004) named B-Bird (what? that's a good name!) who passed away in February 2009, which broke my widdle heart in half. He loved me so, as I did him. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs and cat, we'll be instant friends, and if you ask about B-Bird, I'll probably hug you (unless you smell...wash first). If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond. |
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Guess What's Cumming Coming To Dinner? |
| Wednesday, December 10, 2008 |
Cum!!! That's what's coming to dinner!!! Meals made with cum!!! A whole cookbook of 'em, like, ooh, this yummy-cummy flan on the cover...
 ...or these oyster shells filled with busted nuts that are sure to be the talk of any festive dinner party.
 It's the perfect gift for the girl who just can't get enough of her man, or for the fella who's too lazy and/or cheap to get up and fetch his girl some McDonald's afterwards and tells her to whip up something with "the leftovers" instead. Buy one for someone you love to taste!!!
Here's a sample recipe, just to whet your appetite:
ALMOST WHITE RUSSIAN
2 oz Vodka
1 oz Coffee liqueur
1/2 oz semen
cream or milk
ice cubes
Pour vodka, semen and coffee liqueur over ice cubes and top up the glass with milk or cream. Happy Holidays. Eat and drink up.
Oh...you're welcum!!! Ha!!!
*I figured that since I haven't posted all week, I'd do one that would leave a strong taste in your mouth lasting effect over the weekend. I first read about this a couple of weeks ago, but better late than never. Personally, I would beat the shit out of anyone who ever tried to serve me something with this ingredient, especially without telling me, I don't care how delicious it looks. I don't like surprises, and I especially don't like them in my food.
**I hate to say it, but you just know this is something white people came up with. I'm not saying black folks don't, um, swallow (whether intentionally or accidentally), but we'll eat a pig's ass---as long as it's fried, pickled, or boiled---before we'll cook and eat something chock-full of cum.
Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-based Recipes |
posted by Lo @ 10:30 PM   |
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| 7 Comments: |
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SO DAMM NASTY OF ANYONE PUTTING CUM IN FOOD
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Yuck! That's some nasty shit!
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I don't care how bad the economy is, you'll never see me eating that as a way to survive. Gross!!!!!!
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Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.
Did I say ew? Ew.
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WHO IN THEY RIGHT MIND WOULD WASTE A GOOD NUT ON SOME FOOD
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Once the meal has been prepared, all that is left to say is "Cum and get it!"
Happy Holidays
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That is disgusting! Everyone knows that semen should only be served fresh from the pump.
And please don't say black people wouldn't eat it. Throw some Louisiana Hot Sauce on there and they wouldn't even ask what else was in it...
Matt
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Name: Lolita Files
Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States
About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.
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SO DAMM NASTY OF ANYONE PUTTING CUM IN FOOD