The Lo Zone

A groovy place in cyberspace run by author Lolita Files. Come on in. Bring some Pepsi.

 
Lo Fun Fact #1
"Lolita Files" is my real name. It is not a pen name, as incredible as that may seem. There are plenty of Files family members and people who have known me for years capable of validating this. As for the "Lolita" part, my mother named me after the movie based on Nabokov's book, although she saw or read neither. To this day, she has no idea what a "Lolita" is.
Lo Fun Fact #2
I love fried chicken and fabulous shoes. If you ever want to get on my good side, send Popeye's or Mr. Chicken (my favorite spot in Cleveland) and a pair of Christian Louboutins.
Lo Fun Fact #3
Never show up unannounced or without a Pepsi (preferably Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream). Better yet, how about not show up at all?
Lo Fun Fact #4
I hate the telephone. Don't get mad if I don't call you. I don't call anyone. Don't call me asking why I don't call. Just don't call, okay?
Lo Fun Fact #5
I love the internet!!! I love communicating through the internet!!! You can e-mail me and odds are I'll e-mail you right back (if I'm not in the middle of a major project). Makes up for my hangup about the phone, doesn't it? See, I'm not so bad after all!!!
Lo Fun Fact #6
I can't stand IMing. Please don't IM me. You will get the cold shoulder. I don't like giving people the cold shoulder, so please don't put me in that position.
Lo Fun Fact #7
I have four five six wonderful, slap-happy dogs, a bird (some kind of dove/pigeon mix), and a cat, all of whom I love to pieces. If you meet me and ask me about my dogs, bird, and cat, we'll be instant friends. If you meet me and ask me why the f*ck I have four five six dogs, a bird, and a cat, see the above fun fact for how I will respond.
Meet "The Divine Divas"!!!
Monday, March 31, 2008
My best friend, bestselling author Victoria Christopher Murray...

...has a new teen series out called The Divine Divas.


Here's the description:


Here are the girls: Diamond, India, Veronique, and Aaliyah...

[click image to enlarge]

Check out the trailer for the series HERE.

The first book in the series, featuring Diamond...

...is in stores now. Buy it for the teen in your life. Buy it for yourself! Buy it for my best friend! I love her! You'll make me so very happy if you do!

Besides, you won't be disappointed. Oh...did I mention that it's already been optioned for television and film? Uh-huh, that's right. Go, Victoria!!!

posted by Lo @ 6:45 AM   5 comments
I Used To Love You...
Friday, March 28, 2008

Bill Clinton 2008

posted by Lo @ 9:55 AM   11 comments
Pinocchio Pinocchiette's Got Skillz!!!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
I had no idea all the things she's done.


[refresh your screen if you can't see the player]

Triple doubles? Wow. F*ck running for President. She should join the Lakers!!!

posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   8 comments
Blown Away.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I don't care about anyone else. This is my American Idol.


[refresh your screen if you can't see the player]

posted by Lo @ 12:16 PM   7 comments
OMG, I Love This Guy!!!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
He is, officially, The Man. Since he's become governor, he's basically been slamming his d*ck on the table each week with eyepopping revelations, all the while going, "What?! What?!"


posted by Lo @ 9:00 AM   8 comments
It's Time To See This Creature For What She It Really Is.
Monday, March 24, 2008


NYT.com: Opinion - Haunting Obama's Dreams
posted by Lo @ 11:55 AM   6 comments
A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Yup, that's Bubba with the same reverend my beloved Obama's been persecuted for knowing.

[click image to learn the full, quite interesting story]

Exactly.

Have a wonderful Good Friday and a Happy Easter (if you celebrate the holiday...otherwise, have a happy weekend!). Oh, and don't believe every outrageous claim the scheming Clintons hurl your way.


Politico: Ben Smith's Blog - Jeremiah Wright was White House guest
posted by Lo @ 11:05 AM   5 comments
So I Was Away From My Blog For A Few Days, And While I Was Gone...
Thursday, March 20, 2008

...the new black and blind governor of New York...

...admitted he has slung much extramarital d*ck (and his wife's had her share of d*ck on the side, too!!!).



...made one of the greatest speeches of not just my lifetime, but in the history of this country.

And pictures leaked of Kristin Davis (the very prim and uptight Charlotte from Sex and the City)...

...giving a blow job...

...among other things.

That's enough for one week. The weekend needs to get here, already.

posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   10 comments
It's The Return Of The LOprechaun!!!
Monday, March 17, 2008
That's right, she's back, and she's swinging her shillelagh...

Loprechaun

...wishing you all a very Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   7 comments
Black Is The New President, Beeeeyotch!!!
Sunday, March 16, 2008


'Nuf said.
posted by Lo @ 11:05 AM   1 comments
Family Guy Fridays!!!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Family Guy is not only one the greatest cartoons of all time, but I love it, love it, love it to pieces. I watch reruns nightly and live for new episodes when the show airs on Sunday nights.

In honor of my obsession with this show, I'm going to put up some of my favorite clips on Fridays. Just to keep things fun. Just to keep things light.

First, here's the oh-so-catchy theme song.


Now, to get you caught up quickly, in case you're not a fan and don't know the characters, here's a compilation of ten very funny clips from the show. More on Fridays to come!!!


[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]
[refresh your screen if you can't see the player]

Oh, alright...you twisted my arm. Here's one more clip, one that was hysterical (yet shocking!) when it first aired. Enjoy, and have a most excellent weekend!!!


[click "play" (the arrow button) to watch]
[refresh your screen if you can't see the player]

posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   9 comments
File This Under, "White People Will Eat Anything."
Thursday, March 13, 2008

Oh, brother!!!



*Sucking frozen pickle juice is about some bullsh*t, but if they start making a fried chicken sickle, I'm in!!!

Washington Post.com: The Texas Treat With A Juicy Tale
posted by Lo @ 8:55 AM   8 comments
...And The Blind Shall Lead Them.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Now that the high class hoe-loving Eliot Spitzer has resigned, effective next Monday, there will be an official changing of the guards.

New York, meet your new legally blind, black governor*!!!

Congrats, Brother Paterson!!!

Do the damn thang!!!


*Legally blind, black
and the governor of one of the most powerful states in the union? That's gotta be one bad m*thaf*cka!!!

posted by Lo @ 12:23 PM   8 comments
The Power Of The Peeper.
Monday, March 10, 2008
This practically leaves my jaw on the floor.

SpitzerandWife

A brilliant career has gone down in flames.

EliotSpitzer

Spitzer Prostitution Scandal: NY Gov Admits Links To Sex Ring

Even worse, Fox News reported he's going to resign.



He was the one good man in New York politics (alright, alright, Bloomberg's cool, too), a shining moral light, the state's very own (seemingly) incorruptible Mr. Smith. *sigh* I guess no man is impervious to helping himself to some outside peeper. Even those who champion the people. Oh well.*


*I'm so glad I don't have a peen. I'd probably be sticking it in everything moving. What? I'm a Libra. That's the sensitive artist in me talking!

Update: Wait! He apologized! Maybe he won't resign! He looks so matter-of-fact, even in his apology. Like he's saying, "What, n*@@a, what!?!" He took no questions from the press, then dismissed them with a quick, "I will get back to you in short order." Translation: "So step off, bitches! That is all." I love it! (They'll still probably call for his resignation, though.)



His wife's interior monologue as she stares over his shoulder: "No this m*thaf*cka didn't put me in this position. Where's The Monster? Maybe she can give me some advice on how to handle this shit."

NYTimes.com: Spitzer Is Linked to Prostitution Ring
posted by Lo @ 3:50 PM   5 comments
Asses!!! Cheap Asses!!! Get Your Big Cheap Asses Here!!! Asses!!!
I read about this over on Gawker regarding a story that's in today's New York Post:

JLoBigAss
A shady Atlanta businesswoman armed with a gallon jug of silicone and syringes is offering to inject women seeking "J.Lo butts" in a Manhattan hotel room - an illegal and potentially lethal cosmetic treatment.

"I need to see your butt," Kimberly Smedley told a Post reporter posing as a customer last week in a suite at the Eastgate Tower Hotel on East 39th Street.

Smedley, a heavyset woman wearing camouflage pants and fake Ugg boots, then demanded $1,600 in cash to give nine injections to each cheek.

Sitting on a coffee table was a Poland Spring jug, which she claimed contained "medical-grade silicone," along with a syringe and cotton balls.

"It's illegal," she said. "I'm not a doctor, and I'm not a nurse."

Smedley, 41, has two shoplifting convictions in Georgia, where she drives an Infiniti and lives in a handsome brick estate in a neighborhood of half-million-dollar homes. The Post learned about Smedley from a Harlem beautician in her late 20s who said that Smedley visits New York every few weeks and that she has injected several friends.

The woman said she paid $1,000 in 2006 for silicone butt injections, which she received in a Midtown hotel room crammed with at least 10 other women, many of them strippers, seeking the treatment.

When it was her turn, the woman lay face down on a couch, in view of the others, while Smedley gave her about 10 shots on each side.

"I wanted a J.Lo butt - full, round and high," the woman said.

The injections gave her the "lift" she wanted - at first. But now she is seeing doctors for many hard lumps, ripples and skin discolorations that have developed on her rear.

"I don't know what's happening inside me," she said. "I'm scared for my life."
Shit, I'll bet she is.

After further digging of my own, turns out this illegal little phenomenon---called "pumping parties"---has been happening all over, and people (okay, trannies and what-not) have been warning each other about this for a while. Folks have been getting sick and dying!!! Folks have been going to jail for this shit!!!

Watch your booties, y'all. Don't these people know that all they've gotta do is put themselves on a good ghetto diet (skins, pig's feet, hot sausages, vinegar-and-salt potato chips, a few pineapple sodas, some fried chicken, greens with smoked neckbones) and---*pow!*---ghetto booty!!!

Of course, it may come with a side order of gut, but you can always get that lipo'd.

*On a side note, JLo's booty is monstrous in that picture. Or should I say, a monstrosity. Let's give it a name, shall we? What's a good name for a monster? Hey, what about this?!!! Oh wait, that just offended other monsters. My bad.

Gawker.com: "JLo Butt" Scam Threatens NYC Ass Health
NYPost.com: Rear And Present Danger
posted by Lo @ 1:10 PM   8 comments
He Fuckin' Won.
Friday, March 07, 2008
I'm sorry. Did I say that out loud? GOOD.



Maybe now that lying, unscrupulous OTHER candidate who is BEHIND in the race by a substantial number of delegates will sit her divisive ass down somewhere. The press is on her side, for now, but she can't keep this shit up for long.

And yes, I'm angry. She makes me very angry.


*MSM stands for "mainstream media."

Rolling Stone: The Machinery of Hope
CBSnews.com: Hillary Clinton, Fratricidal Maniac
posted by Lo @ 3:51 PM   4 comments
Like A 'Dream'.
Why am I just discovering this girl? I used to be more up on my game than that.

She's fantastic. Here she is doing the song Dream on Ellen, which I caught a repeat of yesterday and saw her for the first time. Enjoy!!!



And here she is singing it again on The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Oh, Happy Friday!!!



Alice Smith's Official Website
Alice Smith on MySpace
posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   4 comments
Smoke Diddy.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
When did Smokey go hip-hop? Am I that old? I caught this video early yesterday morning on a local PBS channel as I lay in bed with one eye open. A flurry of WTF's ensued...


Damn. That shit actually made me bob my head.

posted by Lo @ 6:45 AM   4 comments
The Big Day.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
It's D-Day here in Ohio and in Texas for the Democratic Party candidates, and, of course, you all know where I stand. (If you don't, you're blind.) If you're in either of these states and are still undecided, here's a last minute appeal. Make an informed decision for positive change. This country could certainly use it after all we've been through.

For those in Texas, this video's for you:


[refresh your screen if you can't see the player]


And for those in Ohio, this is for you:


[refresh your screen if you can't see the player]




posted by Lo @ 6:05 AM   6 comments
About Me

Name: Lolita Files

Home: Wonderland, Midwest Central, United States

About Me: I'm the author of six novels. My novella, "Three For The Road," included in the three-novella anthology, You Only Get Better, was published in March 2007.

See my complete profile

Email Me!















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